27 March 2006

Dad Calls Us Fat

As we've grown older, my younger sister and I are able to talk openly about the difficult messages that we grew up with. This is an excerpt from our conversation this morning.

My words are yellow, hers are italicized in green:

(btw - none of us are overweight)

"Dad freaked out ‘cause I told him I was fat this morning.

Fer heavens sake, you are in great shape nowadays

He's so obsessed with weight

More like he’s obsessed with insulting people, yeah we can just mess with him about it now

He was saying that our sister was fat and I've seen pictures of her lately and she's not.

We can't all have his chicken legs genes. He was a total ass to me when I saw him that time, I just ignored it

Really?

He calls my daughter fat, too

and my son, too

She ignores him

So does he , it's sooo rude though!

F= fluffy A=and T=tender. Yeah, tact is not his forte

He was like "so I guess you're a big fat Mexican woman eating tortillas and tacos"

What an asshole

I know!

So now we’re Mexicans? He's such a horrible bigot, too.

Definitely

Our dad, “The Brown Archie Bunker” ah the irony

I know what you mean

I have written so much on that topic just for personal processing not for publishing

Like how it was a good thing to be light skinned, etc...

Yep

...and have straight hair

Funny how the Filipino family thought my big, crazy hair sucked and the Black side of the family just loves my hair

I know...that's so awful and they'd say it to your face too

I love it when a sistah will straight out ask if my hair is a weave

ha ha ha

I understand where it's coming from, I don't get insulted, I show them it isn't and say: "why would I pay good money for white hair and spilt ends?"

btw, I'm slowly building a blog

Neat. You can put on it that Dad calls us fat

I started it because I wanted to respond to someone else's blog that I have been enjoying . Yeah, thanks, y'know I was wondering what sort of stuff I was going to write there . Some people get really confessional on them and it can get weird but some stuff is really insightful sharing and good to read

Well as long as it's therapeutic for them

Then there's one or two folks out there who think the world revolves around them

I'm sure there's plenty more like that...unfortunately

At least now I can look at dad's behavior with a compassionate eye and not just say "oh he's such and asshole" and leave it at that. But - I still hold him accountable for his behavior. My daughter and I talk about his inappropriateness and rudeness. It's what she expects from him, so she's prepared to deal with it.

I just say "whatever" to him

I don't like it, it's not cool, I tell him it’s not appropriate but I can understand why he does it

I don't..I think he's just rude

He's really screwed up in his perception of women and he is really rude

From all that nasty porn



Yup I wrote a piece about his anti-Asian bigotry and mom's anti-black bigotry...

...and there we were stuck in the middle...



...and growing up with that as a multi racial person. All the negativity of our environment came up inside of me years later when an evil man in Maine called me a gook

That was kinda exasperating..every time I got a new boyfriend mom would always say: " is he black?"

How about mom and her White Swedish friend with a Black Jamaican hubby, she called them 'salt & pepper" and said it was disgusting

omg!

Not to their faces of course and she hated that I dated Eugene in high school who was a really nice guy but they both didn't want me to go out with him because he was Black.

How the hell did we survive all that crap

We are resilient in a good way

I'm glad I live in this city now, cause I look like everyone else

I like the balance that happens when you're in a very diverse environment, not just 2 or 3 races
like our little town's very limited population


Especially our city...everyone is from everywhere

I loved visiting your area and can hardly wait to move

Me too!

I got email from Walgreen's about "Black Opal" makeup, it's been discontinued they say

That's too bad. I bet I can find lots of stuff for women of color when I’m in DC

They have Iman now

I'll ask my friend in DC where to get makeup. Hey, I just sent a Word file to you - I think this is one of the pieces I started to write about ethic intra-family bigotry I didn't open it first, it might be a draft, it should be about 6 pages

ok No problemo

Wow, I really need to organize this folder. I have no idea what half this stuff is

Some fun huh?

Argh. I need a secretary

Too bad they don't have a computer secretary program...or do they?

Yeah it's called Windows Office, and you have to not be a lazy ass and just stay on top of putting things where they belong

Hee hee

Ah well, there are worse things to be worrying about

Yup

Like wondering how we came out ok despite the esteem-withering environment we sprang from. But, y'know, it's how we know to raise our children right

No kidding!

Remember that one family in our grammar school had it really bad; talk about a negative environment. The mother was a great community person, very involved mom/household manager but highly critical of everything the kids did. Their grades were perfection but the kids were screwed up.

They didn't have Oprah back then

It was Phil Donahue and you had to be a mass murderer or a celebrity to get air time

So true

There was a story about Pink's song Stupid Girl on the news...how it was helping kids

Yeah I saw that on CNN which is way cool

It's dismaying to know that young girls are still going for plastic surgery and starvation to try and look how they think they are supposed to look

Things are getting out of hand with children and image problems

They never tell kids that the average size is a 14 and not a 2

...and that Filipinos and Blacks are not supposed to have little noses and blond hair ....and you're supposed to have an ass - that's what you sit on, body fat is important

and what you live off when you get really ill

...and that short is good

Did you ever see that documentary about the short guy who had that surgery that made him taller?

Yeah that was awful

That poor guy."

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